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Sometimes you have to go to parties that you know you aren’t going to enjoy. Pete and Liz were just leaving one of the worst parties that Pete had ever been to. It was 2am, he was sober as he was the one who was d! riving, and Liz was pissed as she was the one who wasn’t. It would be about an hour before they got home and 5mins into the trip bored with Liz’s drunken slur.
 
Pete was annoyed by the slurred conversation coming from Liz; she had certainly not avoided getting drunk, and did his best to ignore her as they drove along. Eventually she fell silent and he figured she had finally fallen into a drunken slumber. Pete soon became aware of the fact Liz was actually awake, and making the kind of small noises she usually only made at certain other times.
 
Liz had her skirt up around her waist and her blouse unbottoned, her right hand was inside her panties and her left was tweeking her nipple. She looked at him and said "well, you were ignoring me and I got lonely". He felt sorry for her, he shouldn’t have ignored her, so he gave her a little attention.
 
This may have been the original plan, but as Pete watched her from the corner of his eye it became apparent that she was now enjoying the events for herself. Her legs were spread wide, and she was pulling her panties away from her tight little pussy with her left hand. Three fingers of her right hand were flashing in and out of her cunt hole, making wet sticky noises as she groaned in a low voice.
 
As the truck got closer he told Liz, thinking that she would cover up, she didn’t, she turned on the interior light. Liz was virtually naked, feet up on the dashboard, fucking herself silly with the Coke bottle, willing the truck driver to pull up along side of them.
 
He tried to warn Liz to cover up, but she was not listening, she was too busy playing with her own pussy to hear him. As the truck pulled level with the car, the driver was given a prime view of Liz, tits hanging out, finger fucking her own cunt. Liz looked up and smiled, running her tongue over her lips, before arching her back and increasing the speed that she was thrusting her fingers in and out of her wet hole.
 
Sure enough, the truck came along side of them and as truckies do, he looked over at the car beside him. He saw what every truckie dreams of, he saw this beautiful young woman with her legs spread, pussy on show, shoving three fingers in as fast and as hard as she could. Liz knew that there were now two rock hard cocks within 10ft of her.
 
Liz was jacking Pete off, fucking herself with the bottle and knew that she was giving the truckie such a good show that he couldn’t help but masturbate along with them. Thank god it was 2am, if there had been any other vehicles on the road there probably would have been an accident.
 
Pete blew his load into Liz’s mouth and looked over to the truckie who had his head back but was still looking at the super wet pussy that belonged to Liz. Liz sat up and turned to the truckie, opened her mouth and let some of Pete’s cum drip out onto her breasts. The truckie must have cum just after Liz did this as the truck slowed and pulled over, lucky it was 2am.

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Fear no fellow human there is still hope, but even now the horror that is the penis headed aliens are slowly taking over our workplaces, buck’s nights and 21st’s. They appear normal until such a time as the sound of merriment echoes through the streets At witch point they come out to take their place as the life of the party, these are the Peninheadians.
 
It is a sad Fact that where you find one Penisheadian you will soon find more as others who envy the fun and attention that these creatures garner males of the human species desire to become a Penisheadian themselves.
 
To do this a prospective Penisheadian will scour the local area for there own Penisheadian mask but unless they visit there local adult store then there quest will be doomed to fail. For it is here that the required headgear can be found and acquired.
 
What to do if you see a Penisheadian:

 
Do not apply fermented beverages to a Penisheadian as there small mouth opening means that without a cylindrical drinking aid their small lips prevent them from consuming the desired volumes of said beverages, without spilling it and causing even more humour to there cronies and new found friends
 
Large groups of Penisheadian in one location can reach critical mass as loss of facial features can cause disorientation as they have trouble recognising themselves from one another. To prevent this calamity name tags are recommended so this disastrous incident don’t occur
 
Don’t stand between a Penisheadian and a cameras as the presence of this device near a Penisheadian causes them to find themselves posing for shoots to remember the night for years to come.
 
If you or someone you know has fallen to the Penisheadian’s menace don’t fear the joy and happiness that they experience and bring to all that they meet and the good memories that they will bring can only spread the invasion across the world.

Pete was out of a job, it was Friday night, and he had no money. Not the best thing that could happen to a young red blooded Aussie. Pete’s girlfriend, Liz, had a job but knew what it was like being out of work, with no money, and stuck at home. Good girl that she is, she brought a couple of bo! ttles of wine over to keep Pete company and hopefully cheer him up.
 
They relaxed on the couch for a while, getting drunker by the minute, eventually Liz decided to change the music they had been listening too, and slid onto the floor before crawling across to the CD player. Pete could clearly see her firm ass cheeks, and tight thong, under her short mini skirt as she knelt on the floor in front of him.
 
Pete felt the familiar tightening in his balls, as he watched her kneeling in front of the CD player on all fours, trying to decide which CD to play next. Grinning to himself, Pete joined her on the floor. Liz looked back at him with a naughty grin as Pete ran his hands up underneath her skirt, and across the flesh of her tight ass.
 
He forced her skirt up over her butt, and bunched it up around her waist, displaying her thong stretched taught between her butt cheeks and across her pussy. Pete could see that the thong was already wet, where it passed over her cunt hole, and could tell she was horny as hell.
 
Liz’s legs got tired so she laid down on her back and Pete took over, lifting her skirt up and pulled her thong aside giving him full view of her freshly shaved pussy. Liz had her clitoris pierced a few months earlier so Pete was fairly gentle on her clit but vicious on her pussy, he put 2 fingers inside her and finger fucked her to a frenzy.
 
Liz was enjoying the attention, and rocked gently back and forth on her hands and knees, forcing his fingers deeper inside her with every thrust. When Pete knew she was ready for it, he undid his own jeans and forced them down to his knees. Using both hands, one placed on each side of her ass, he spread her wide and positioned his cock in front of her waiting hole.
 
Pete whispered to Liz that if she didn’t stop sucking him he was going to cum, so she s! topped, turned around to face him and rubbed her slimy pussy onto his face, his chest and all the was down to his toes. She even fucked his toes for a little while just to keep herself on the brink while Pete could recover himself. This worked for Pete, he was coming back from the brink of the vinegar stroke.
 
She got off her man and went to the lounge and knelt on it, leaning onto the backrest, telling Pete to fuck her doggy style. This way he could control his thrusts and make himself last longer. He also got a great view of his cock going in and out of Liz’s oozing pussy. Pete stuck his thumb into Liz’s hole with his cock still in her getting it nice and slippery so that he could thumb fuck her asshole at the same time as his cock pounded in and out of her cunt.
 
Finally Pete was into her ass up to the hilt, drawing back and forth and building up speed. When he came he came with a roar, he didn’t pull out of her after he came, leaving his cock ! in her ass until he was flacid. But being the blokey bloke that he was, Pete reached around to the coffee table and got the bottle of wind, taking a swig from it every now and then, and Pete thinking that he was being a gentleman offered the bottle to Liz. What a guy.

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Instructions for the use of the Kegelmaster

Before Beginning -Due to production process used in the manufacture of the KegelMaster 2000TM, small imperfections may be present. Please before you start using your The KegelMaster 2000TM, a carful inspection is recommended. If any are found they can easily be smoothed out by gently rubbing with the smooth side of an emery board.

Note: It is recommended that you empty your bladder before use.

Firstly grab your KegelMaster 2000TM and your KegelGlide 2000 lubricant and let’s begin. Let’s start by using only one spring in the KegelMaster 2000TM and place it on the rear pin located just in front of the hinge.

Close The KegelMaster 2000TM with your hand and tighten the knob on top to hold it closed. Do not over tighten! Lay down on your back, with your head resting on at least one pillow, relax, and bend your knees keeping your feet flat, about two feet apart.

Now position your KegelMaster 2000TM, making sure that the knob is up and lubricate has been applied to the vaginal area with a water soluble lubricant and Kegelglide 2000 has been applied to the unit.

We are ready to insert The KegelMaster 2000TM Place The KegelMaster 2000TM between your thighs. Insert the unit into your vaginal opening until it is firmly in place. You will notice this when The KegelMaster 2000TM feels much smaller when locks into place. Note: The KegelMaster 2000TM is only inserted approximately three inches.

Grasp The KegelMaster 2000TM unit firmly by the handle. You are now ready for your first adjustment!! This is done by turning the knob at the top of The KegelMaster 2000TM counter clockwise - that is until the knob is no longer touching the top of The KegelMaster 2000TM or until some discomfit is felt which ever occurs first. Don’t worry; this discomfort is your muscles being put under tension so that the contraction exercise can proceed.
 
Note: If the knob is not touching the top of The KegelMaster 2000TM and you don’t feel any pressure from The KegelMaster 2000TM putting resistance against the vaginal muscles, then you will have to add another spring. If you have the right tension, squeeze down against The KegelMaster 2000TM. If you are easily able to close down with your vaginal muscles completely for thirty closings, remove the unit from your vagina and change the position of the springs, moving forward one pin.

Adjusting Tension to accurately close The KegelMaster 2000TM during the exercise. If you are still easily able to close down The KegelMaster 2000TM all the way, for thirty closings, then you must move the spring forward to yet another pin.

If you find that the single spring is on the front pin and you are still able to easily close The KegelMaster 2000TM all the way, for thirty closings - after insertion, then you must move the single spring back to the rear pin (1) and add a spring to the next forward pin (2), then repeat the process. The ideal spring tension is determined by one’s ability to close The KegelMaster 2000TM completely at the beginning of the exercise but becoming unable to close it completely at the end of 30 closings. This eventually will not be hard to do and it’s a lot of fun to see how many of the springs you can squeeze for 30 closings, having difficulty with the last five.

Maximizing Your Sequences and Sets(you can never overwork the vaginal muscles). The exercise sequence starts with 3 sets of 30 closings daily. With each rep you attempt complete closure of The KegelMaster 2000TM, pausing between each set of 30 closings for 15 seconds. It is recommended to work up to 6 sets of 30 closings a minimum of 3 times a week. If an individual chooses, they may do as many sets and closures that they feel comfortable with. Your goal is to fatigue the muscle until there is very little movement.

Writer Louise Servage works for the kegelmaster a business dedicated to helping women with incontinence and getting there life on track visit Kegelmaster Australia Now.